the space thats in between insane and insecure

even if you got down on your knees.

Sat, 27 May 2006 03:56:13 GMT

you couldnt make me stay.

im fascinated with injury. i want to see your body snap. i've been bent for so long i wonder when i'll break. i wonder if i'll beat you to it. i'm the best at feeling bad for myself. i cant help but think of myself as a statistic, because thats what i am. im classically hip[orcrite]. i want to drink and drive. i want to crash. i want to feel something. if you give me a working pen i'd go on forever.

i need someone to inject serotonin into my veins. give me a reason to wake up in the morning and do something worthwhile. routine is boring. i used to think i just wanted to sleep. i think i still do. i'm burning all my bridges tonight, pass me the matches some sympathy.

its funny how i reinvent myself every so often, but i always end up being me. i'm talented at breathing. i wish i weren't. i watch the time i keep, waiting for it to pass, so i can do the same thing the next day. i would give anything to feel full.

i am the look on your face on easter morning when you realize your chocolate bunny is hollow. im hollow. im skin and bones. parts of me die everyday. im doing the best i can. im not measuring up. i dont care if i measure up.

i am a deadly disease.

"my body is cracked like porcelain, just like some precious moments collectible"

i hope nobody reads this, you guys will all feign understanding and sympathy, but maybe thats exactly what im looking for.

[if theres any justice in heaven then god wont let me in]

and when i wake up

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 15:13:12 GMT

think about, cause i dont make calls. they say were amazing i really dont understand why.i dont sleep at night and my heart beats really fast a lot of the time.its a good feeling, i guess. i hate people who are bad with aim. im one of them. capital letters are for the weak. i hate the phone, because i hide from it 90 percent of the time, then you call, and im still hiding. i wish i was found. the keyboard clicks are my only way of communication to the outside world sometimes. and sometimes i dont feel like clicking. you owe me one last wish, make it a good one. two weeks till i dont see you. i should be excited but im not. i miss the feeling of knowing that someone was reading this. but i also miss the feeling of knowing noone could understand, if that makes any sense. fuck 88 keys, ive got 104, give or take a few since its so late. F1's dont really translate though. you destroy me. deep thoughts from the confines of my bed. . . .

over and out.

if you can decode this, we should get married.

you dont recover from a night like this ...

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 07:41:14 GMT

A victim still lying in bed completely motionless.

I'm scared. My stomach is turning.
I refuse to go back on what I've said or done.
Get over it, get over me.
Cringe.
Die young and save yourself.
Take your taste back.

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 14:17:00 GMT

i listen to you talk

but talk is cheap

~~and my mouth is filled with blood~~

from trying not to speak